7.30.2009

7.29.2009

continuer à croire

je ne sais plus
si je continue à croire.
Il ya des moments où oui... et d'autres ou malheureusement non.

jour a jour
nuit après nuit

la confiance aveugle ça n'éxiste que jusqu'au moment où elle est brisée

une fois le coeur brisé
une fois la confiance déçue

...c'est très difficil de vraiment continuer à croire.


moment of peace

7.28.2009

Piedra del Sol


un sauce de cristal, un chopo de agua,
un alto surtidor que el viento arquea,
un árbol bien plantado mas danzante,
un caminar de río que se curva,
avanza, retrocede, da un rodeo
y llega siempre:
un caminar tranquilo
de estrella o primavera sin premura,
agua que con los párpados cerrados
mana toda la noche profecías,
unánime presencia en oleaje,
ola tras ola hasta cubrirlo todo,
verde soberanía sin ocaso
como el deslumbramiento de las alas
cuando se abren en mitad del cielo,

un caminar entre las espesuras
de los días futuros y el aciago
fulgor de la desdicha como un ave
petrificando el bosque con su canto
y las felicidades inminentes
entre las ramas que se desvanecen,
horas de luz que pican ya los pájaros,
presagios que se escapan de la mano,

una presencia como un canto súbito,
como el viento cantando en el incendio,
una mirada que sostiene en vilo
al mundo con sus mares y sus montes,
cuerpo de luz filtrado por un ágata,
piernas de luz, vientre de luz, bahías,
roca solar, cuerpo color de nube,
color de día rápido que salta,
la hora centellea y tiene cuerpo,
el mundo ya es visible por tu cuerpo,
es transparente por tu transparencia,

voy entre galerías de sonidos,
fluyo entre las presencias resonantes,
voy por las transparencias como un ciego,
un reflejo me borra, nazco en otro,
oh bosque de pilares encantados,
bajo los arcos de la luz penetro
los corredores de un otoño diáfano,

voy por tu cuerpo como por el mundo,
tu vientre es una plaza soleada,
tus pechos dos iglesias donde oficia
la sangre sus misterios paralelos,
mis miradas te cubren como yedra,
eres una ciudad que el mar asedia,
una muralla que la luz divide
en dos mitades de color durazno,
un paraje de sal, rocas y pájaros
bajo la ley del mediodía absorto,

vestida del color de mis deseos
como mi pensamiento vas desnuda,
voy por tus ojos como por el agua,
los tigres beben sueño de esos ojos,
el colibrí se quema en esas llamas,
voy por tu frente como por la luna,
como la nube por tu pensamiento,
voy por tu vientre como por tus sueños,

tu falda de maíz ondula y canta,
tu falda de cristal, tu falda de agua,
tus labios, tus cabellos, tus miradas,
toda la noche llueves, todo el día
abres mi pecho con tus dedos de agua,
cierras mis ojos con tu boca de agua,
sobre mis huesos llueves, en mi pecho
hunde raíces de agua un árbol líquido,

voy por tu talle como por un río,
voy por tu cuerpo como por un bosque,
como por un sendero en la montaña
que en un abismo brusco se termina
voy por tus pensamientos afilados
y a la salida de tu blanca frente
mi sombra despeñada se destroza,
recojo mis fragmentos uno a uno
y prosigo sin cuerpo, busco a tientas,

corredores sin fin de la memoria,
puertas abiertas a un salón vacío
donde se pudren todos lo veranos,
las joyas de la sed arden al fondo,
rostro desvanecido al recordarlo,
mano que se deshace si la toco,
cabelleras de arañas en tumulto
sobre sonrisas de hace muchos años,

a la salida de mi frente busco,
busco sin encontrar, busco un instante,
un rostro de relámpago y tormenta
corriendo entre los árboles nocturnos,
rostro de lluvia en un jardín a obscuras,
agua tenaz que fluye a mi costado,

busco sin encontrar, escribo a solas,
no hay nadie, cae el día, cae el año,
caigo en el instante, caigo al fondo,
invisible camino sobre espejos
que repiten mi imagen destrozada,
piso días, instantes caminados,
piso los pensamientos de mi sombra,
piso mi sombra en busca de un instante,

busco una fecha viva como un pájaro,
busco el sol de las cinco de la tarde
templado por los muros de tezontle:
la hora maduraba sus racimos
y al abrirse salían las muchachas
de su entraña rosada y se esparcían
por los patios de piedra del colegio,
alta como el otoño caminaba
envuelta por la luz bajo la arcada
y el espacio al ceñirla la vestía
de un piel más dorada y transparente,

...

todo se transfigura y es sagrado,
es el centro del mundo cada cuarto,
es la primera noche, el primer día,
el mundo nace cuando dos se besan,
gota de luz de entrañas transparentes
el cuarto como un fruto se entreabre
o estalla como un astro taciturno
y las leyes comidas de ratones,
las rejas de los bancos y las cárceles,
las rejas de papel, las alambradas,
los timbres y las púas y los pinchos,
el sermón monocorde de las armas,
el escorpión meloso y con bonete,
el tigre con chistera, presidente
del Club Vegetariano y la Cruz Roja,
el burro pedagogo, el cocodrilo
metido a redentor, padre de pueblos,
el Jefe, el tiburón, el arquitecto
del porvenir, el cerdo uniformado,
el hijo predilecto de la Iglesia
que se lava la negra dentadura
con el agua bendita y toma clases
de inglés y democracia, las paredes
invisibles, las máscaras podridas
que dividen al hombre de los hombres,
al hombre de sí mismo,
se derrumban
por un instante inmenso y vislumbramos
nuestra unidad perdida, el desamparo
que es ser hombres, la gloria que es ser hombres
y compartir el pan, el sol, la muerte,
el olvidado asombro de estar vivos;

amar es combatir, si dos se besan
el mundo cambia, encarnan los deseos,
el pensamiento encarna, brotan las alas
en las espaldas del esclavo, el mundo
es real y tangible, el vino es vino,
el pan vuelve a saber, el agua es agua,
amar es combatir, es abrir puertas,
dejar de ser fantasma con un número
a perpetua cadena condenado
por un amo sin rostro;
el mundo cambia
si dos se miran y se reconocen,
amar es desnudarse de los nombres:
"déjame ser tu puta", son palabras
de Eloísa, mas él cedió a las leyes,
la tomó por esposa y como premio
lo castraron después;
mejor el crimen,
los amantes suicidas, el incesto
de los hermanos como dos espejos
enamorados de su semejanza,
mejor comer el pan envenenado,
el adulterio en lechos de ceniza,
los amores feroces, el delirio,
su yedra ponzoñosa, el sodomita
que lleva por clavel en la solapa
un gargajo, mejor ser lapidado
en las plazas que dar vuelta a la noria
que exprime la substancia de la vida,
cambia la eternidad en horas huecas,
los minutos en cárceles, el tiempo
en monedas de cobre y mierda abstracta;

...

-¿la vida, cuándo fue de veras nuestra?,
¿cuando somos de veras lo que somos?,
bien mirado no somos, nunca somos
a solas sino vértigo y vacío,
muecas en el espejo, horror y vómito,
nunca la vida es nuestra, es de los otros,
la vida no es de nadie, todos somos
la vida ?pan de sol para los otros,
los otros todos que nosotros somos?,
soy otro cuando soy, los actos míos
son más míos si son también de todos,
para que pueda ser he de ser otro,
salir de mí, buscarme entre los otros,
los otros que no son si yo no existo,
los otros que me dan plena existencia,
no soy, no hay yo, siempre somos nosotros,
la vida es otra, siempre allá, más lejos,
fuera de ti, de mí, siempre horizonte,
vida que nos desvive y enajena,
que nos inventa un rostro y lo desgasta,
hambre de ser, oh muerte, pan de todos,

...

quiero seguir, ir más allá, y no puedo:
se despeñó el instante en otro y otro,
dormí sueños de piedra que no sueña
y al cabo de los años como piedras
oí cantar mi sangre encarcelada,
con un rumor de luz el mar cantaba,
una a una cedían las murallas,
todas las puertas se desmoronaban
y el sol entraba a saco por mi frente,
despegaba mis párpados cerrados,
desprendía mi ser de su envoltura,
me arrancaba de mí, me separaba
de mi bruto dormir siglos de piedra
y su magia de espejos revivía
un sauce de cristal, un chopo de agua,
un alto surtidor que el viento arquea,
un árbol bien plantado mas danzante,
un caminar de río que se curva,
avanza, retrocede, da un rodeo
y llega siempre:

México, 1957


como espejo de agua...

7.27.2009

Barbie 4 ever


Barbie, a fashion doll launched in 1959 by Mattel.

She is mainly critized because she promotes an unrealistic idea of body image for a young woman, leading to a risk to become anorexic if you intend to emulate her.
A standard doll is 11.5 inches tall, giving a height of 5 feet 9 inches at 1/6 scale.
Her measurements have been estimated at:
- chest 36 inches
- waist 18 inches
- hips 33 inches

According to research by the University Central Hospital in Helsinki, Finland, she would lack the 17 to 22 percent body fat required for a woman to menstruate.

In 1965 Slumber Party Barbie came with a book entitled How to Lose Weight which advised: "Don't eat."
In 1967 "Colored Francie" is alleged to be the first African American Barbie doll although she lacked African characteristics other than a dark skin.
In 1968 Christie made her debut and she is recognized as the first african american doll.
In 1974 a section of Times Square in New York City was renamed Barbie Boulevard for a week.
In 1980 Black Barbie and Hispanic Barbie were launched.
In 1985 the artist Andy Warhol created a painting of Barbie.
In 1989 the Barbie Liberation Organization was formed. Taking
advantage of similarities in the voice hardware of Teen Talk Barbie and the Talking Duke G.I. Joe doll, they performed a stereotype-change operation on 100 dolls. The BLO returned the altered dolls to the toy store shelves, who then resold them to children who had to invent scenarios for Barbies who yelled “Vengeance is mine!” and G.I. Joes who daydreamed “Let’s plan our dream wedding!” They placed “call your local TV news” stickers on the back to ensure that the media would have people to interview as soon as the news broke.

In 1997 Barbie's body mold was redesigned and given a wider waist, Mattel justified she would be better suited to contemporary fashion designs.
In May 1997 Mattel introduced Share a Smile Becky, a doll in a pink wheelchair.
In September 2003 Saudi Arabia outlawed the sale of Barbie dolls, saying that she did not conform to the ideals of Islam.

The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice stated "Jewish Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful."

In Middle Eastern countries there is an alternative doll called Fulla which is similar to Barbie but is designed to be more acceptable to an Islamic market.

In December 2005 Dr. Agnes Nairn at the University of Bath in England said: "It's as though disavowing Barbie is a rite of passage and a rejection of their past." after publishing a research suggesting that girls often go through a stage where they hate their Barbie dolls and subject them to a range of punishments, including decapitation and placing the doll in a microwave oven.

The Forbes Fictional Interview with Barbie was published in 2009 to mark her 50th birthday.

"You've had 108 different careers. Which was the most satisfying?
I am a big believer in dreaming big and inspiring girls that they can do anything they set their minds to. Being an astronaut in 1965 was very satisfying because--for one, traveling to space was, literally, out of this world--and, secondly, I went to space before any other American woman astronaut, so that's something I'm very proud of. I'm also very proud of all my philanthropic work--from UNICEF Ambassador (1989) to Candy Stripe Volunteer (1964).

It takes over 100 people to make you. Do you consider yourself high maintenance?

You don't just roll out of bed looking like this! Some say high maintenance--some say well-coiffed. I do have to say a big thank you to all the big people. Thank you to my amazing design team--they are all very talented to make me--just an 11-1/2-inch plastic doll--into a fashion icon.

Polyamory vs. Monogamy

The question...
Analyzing - re-configurating - evolving.

We have been taught to aspire to the perfect monogamous relationship.
Disney eternal unrealistic love.

You are born, then expected to learn and adjust, relinquish, be- friend, marry, have kids, grow old and die... and as we do all of this we most work work work and make money to prove we are more successful even than the others.

As a women you are first a daughter, then a girlfriend, then a wife, a mother, a grandmother...

...when are you supposed to be yourself?

Do you believe in True Love, in soul mates, in your other half?

Do you believe in the Hollywood version of love?

Or do you actually know that life is yours to configure?

There are times for everything.

Different stages of life, of evolution, of expectations, of being.

It is ridiculous to pretend to be monogamous at every moment, in every relationship, and with everybody.

As one is young and one discovers the pleasures of life, one must be open to everything and everyone.
Monogamy is out of the question if one really wants to discover one self.

But I do believe in True Love.
I do believe there is one person out there that is your soul mate.
One person that completes you.
One person you will always love and desire and that will always be no matter what.

I also believe a woman is not really a woman until she is a mother.

I know now that if you want to go fast, you must go alone.
But if you want to go further you must be accompanied.

I also know love is not sex.
And that men seem to be designed to be attracted to sexual novelty.

That monogamic relationships as they are established generally lead to loosing individuality, to repressed desires, and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner and thus create lies and conflicts.

Here some definitions to help:

Monogamy is the state of having only one husband, wife, or sexual partner at any one time. The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos "μονός", which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos "γάμος", which means marriage or union. In many cases, the word "monogamy" is used to specifically refer to marital monogamy.

Polygyny (from neo-Greek: πολύ poly "many" and γυνή gyny "I. woman" or, as in this context, "II. wife or spouse"[1]) is "a marriage form in which a man has two or more wives at the same time."[2] It is distinguished from a man who has a sexual partner outside marriage, such as a concubine, casual sexual partner, paramour, or other culturally recognized secondary partner. Polygyny is the most common form of polygamy.

Polyandry (Greek: poly- many, andros- man) refers to a form of polygamy, or other sexual union, in which a woman is married to two or more husbands at the same time. Polygyny, on the other hand, refers to polygamy in which one man is married to two or more wives.
The form of polyandry in which a woman is married to two or more brothers is known as fraternal polyandry, and it is believed by many anthropologists to be the most frequently encountered form.

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved.
Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as a crucial defining characteristic.

Polyamory differs from polygamy, which refers to multiple marriage (and often, in common usage, only to polygyny: one man with several wives.) Traditional polygamy is usually patriarchical and often claims a religious justification. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals.

Swinging: These are people who are in monogamous marriages and who are emotionally monogamous, but who engage in organized extramarital sex together. Unlike polyamorists, the stress in on the sex part and the outside sex is always done together as a couple's activity.

Open marriage: Similar to swinging, but the each spouse has outside sexual partners independently. It's possible to be both open and swingers, however.

and some quotes:

PLAYBOY: When you speak of monogamy, do you mean complete sexual fidelity to one woman?

TIMOTHY LEARY: Well, the notion of running around trying to find different mates is a very low-level concept. We are living in a world of expanding population in which there are more and more beautiful young girls coming off the assembly line each month. It's obvious that the sexual criteria of the past are going to be changed, and that what's demanded of creatures with our sensory and cellular repertoire is not just one affair after another with one young body after another, but the exploration of the incredible depths and varieties of your own identity with a single member of the opposite sex. This involves time and commitment to the voyage.

PLAYBOY: Do you mean to imply that you've had only one bed partner in the last six years?

LEARY: I've had more than one long-term relationship during this period.
But there is a certain kind of neurological and cellular fidelity that develops. I have said for many years now that in the future the grounds for divorce would not be that your wife went to bed with another man and bounced around on a mattress for an hour or two, but that
your wife had an LSD session with somebody else, because the bonds and the connections that develop are so powerful.


In 1979, anthropologist Donald Symons pointed out that:
“Human males seem to be so constituted that they resist learning not to desire variety despite impediments such as Christianity and the doctrine of sin; Judaism and the doctrine of mensch; social science and the doctrines of repressed homosexuality and psychosexual immaturity; evolutionary theories of monogamous pair-bonding; cultural and legal traditions that support and glorify monogamy.”

In 1964, Masters and Johnson noted that “Loss of coital interest engendered by monotony in a sexual relationship is probably the most constant factor in the loss of an aging male’s interest in sexual performance with his partner.”

Terence McKenna simply says:
"I think of going to the grave without having a psychedelic experience, like going to the grave without having sex. It means that you never figured out what it was all about. The mystery is in the body, and the way the body works itself into nature.
What the archaic revival means is shamanism, ecstasy, orgiastic sexuality, and the defeat of the three enemies of the people, and the three enemies of the people are monotheism, monogamy, and monotony. And if you get them on the run, you have the dominators sweating, folks. Because that means that youre getting it all reconnected, and get it all reconnected means putting aside the idea of separateness and self-definition through thing fetish. Getting it all connected means tapping into the Gaian mind. And the Gaian mind is what were calling the psychedelic experience. Its an experience of the living fact of the entelechy of the planet, and without that experience we wander in a desert of bogus ideologies, but with that experience, the compass of the self can be set. And thats the idea, that were figuring out how to reset the compass of the self, through community, through ecstatic dance, through psychedelics, intelligence-- intelligence... this is what we have to have to make the forward escape into hyperspace."

I must admit I understand, I believe it is not as it has been told.
expanding the limits.
reconnecting
resetting the compass.

I decide to place the elements.
I draw my own limits.
I play with reality.

What ever I decide to do I believe in total honesty.
In being true to myself.

So in the fight which do I choose?

I configure my own reality.
I play with the elements.

I follow my heart.

I believe in true love-
I believe that sexual attraction and encounters can always happen no matter what.
I do not believe in repressed emotions.

I believe in dealing with things as they come in total honesty.

Comunication.
Honesty.
Respect.
Love.
me.

I believe in myself.
I believe in life.
I believe in love.


7.26.2009

7.25.2009

Día fuera del tiempo

pensar
sentir
perdonar
analizar
agradecer
pedir
velar
descansar
regenerar
confrontar
revelar
compartir
alimentar
enmendar
elongar
crecer
amar
sanar
sembrar

gaia

Confronting reality

Why is it so hard sometimes for people to talk.

To actually express words they mean and that mean something.

What does it take to communicate about the pressing issue and resolve it.
or try to at least.

Reality is not one.

We all live in a different one.

one. one. one.
two.two.two.
three.three.three...tree

acting as if nothing ever happened is not the way.

one never learns... one never grows.

and nothing ever heals.

assuming ones decisions, ones choices, ones way.

comunication
confronting reality.

what will it take?

To hear you actually speak the words you want to say?

7.24.2009

la bouche






if i tell you my secret,
will you tell me yours?

un día fuera del tiempo







I Activate in order to Dream
Bonding Intuition
I seal the Input of Abundance
With the Electric tone of Service
I am guided by the power of Accomplishment

under the blue umbrella

on a sunny afternoon on a rooftoop in mexico city
one can always find a blue umbrella to shadow a friend while she stretches.

under the sun sipping margaritas


u shoot me



& I shoot you.

Algunas citas de las enseñanzas de Don Juan

El poder reside en el tipo de conocimiento que uno posee. ¿Qué sentido tiene conocer cosas inútiles? Eso no nos prepara para nuestro inevitable encuentro con lo desconocido.

Nada en este mundo es un regalo. Lo que ha de aprenderse debe aprenderse arduamente.

Un hombre va al conocimiento como va a la guerra: bien despierto, con miedo, con respeto y con absoluta confianza. Ir de cualquier otra forma al conocimiento o a la guerra es un error, y quien lo cometa puede correr el riesgo de no sobrevivir para lamentarlo. Cuando un hombre ha cumplido estos cuatro requisitos estar bien despierto, y tener miedo, respeto y absoluta confianza no hay errores por los que deba rendir cuentas; en tales condiciones, susacciones pierden la torpeza de las acciones de un necio. Si un hombreasí fracasa o sufre una derrota, no habrá perdido más que una batalla, y eso no le provocará lamentaciones lastimosas.

Cualquier cosa es un camino entre un millón de caminos. Por tanto, un guerrero siempre debe tener presente que un camino es sólo un camino; si siente que no debería seguirlo, no debe permanecer en él bajo ninguna circunstancia. Su decisión de mantenerse en ese camino o de abandonarlo debe estar libre de miedo o ambición. Debe observar cada camino de cerca y de manera deliberada. Y hay una pregunta que un guerrero tiene que hacerse, obligatoriamente: ¿Tiene corazón este camino? Todos los caminos son lo mismo: no llevan a ninguna parte. Sin embargo, un camino sin corazón nunca es agradable. En cambio, un camino con corazón resulta sencillo: a un guerrero no le cuesta tomarle gusto; el viaje se hace gozoso; mientras un hombre lo sigue, es uno con él.

El hombre tiene cuatro enemigos naturales: el miedo, la claridad, el poder y la vejez. El miedo, la claridad y el poder pueden superarse, pero no la vejez. Su efecto puede ser pospuesto, pero nunca vencido.

le futur est dans leurs mains







L'invitation au voyage

Mon enfant, ma soeur,
Songe à la douceur
D'aller là-bas vivre ensemble!
Aimer à loisir,
Aimer et mourir
Au pays qui te ressemble!
Les soleils mouillés
De ces ciels brouillés
Pour mon esprit ont les charmes
Si mystérieux
De tes traîtres yeux,
Brillant à travers leurs larmes.

Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
Luxe, calme et volupté.

Des meubles luisants,
Polis par les ans,
Décoreraient notre chambre;
Les plus rares fleurs
Mêlant leurs odeurs
Aux vagues senteurs de l'ambre,
Les riches plafonds,
Les miroirs profonds,
La splendeur orientale,
Tout y parlerait
A l'âme en secret
Sa douce langue natale.

Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
Luxe, calme et volupté.

Vois sur ces canaux
Dormir ces vaisseaux
Dont l'humeur est vagabonde;
C'est pour assouvir
Ton moindre désir
Qu'ils viennent du bout du monde.
— Les soleils couchants
Revêtent les champs,
Les canaux, la ville entière,
D'hyacinthe et d'or;
Le monde s'endort
Dans une chaude lumière.

Là, tout n'est qu'ordre et beauté,
Luxe, calme et volupté.

Charles Baudelaire

Bombay the hard way

The other side of the Taj...




sweet inocence...





Too inocent?
blast from the past
nostalgia







luz por siempre luz

flying into the sunset



I want to fly away
far far away
into the sunset,
into the light.

ooooops I did it again...

Heroin

many hours of my life are spent listening to many versions of this piece of nectar.

heroin

chasing the dragon

total abandonment.
eternal temptation

will I ever fall?



Hacking

hack hack hack hack hack

liberté - égalité - fraternité

freedom to be - be to free - freesebeee 4 ever.

i AM told to BE.

NO NO NO NON!

am to be? beam of light- light I am

continuos hack.

rebel in order to be?

be in order to rebel?

the egg before the hen?

be to work - work to be

work work work pay pay pay

money makes the world go round

round the world makes the money go---

ooooof!

hack hack hack hack hack