Polyamory vs. Monogamy

The question...

Analyzing - re-configurating - evolving.

We have been taught to aspire to the perfect monogamous relationship.

Disney eternal unrealistic love.

You are born, then expected to learn and adjust, relinquish, be- friend, marry, have kids, grow old and die... and as we do all of this we most work work work and make money to prove we are more successful even than the others.

As a women you are first a daughter, then a girlfriend, then a wife, a mother, a grandmother...

...when are you supposed to be yourself?

Do you believe in True Love, in soul mates, in your other half?

Do you believe in the Hollywood version of love?

Or do you actually know that life is yours to configure?

There are times for everything.

Different stages of life, of evolution, of expectations, of being.

It is ridiculous to pretend to be monogamous at every moment, in every relationship, and with everybody.

As one is young and one discovers the pleasures of life, one must be open to everything and everyone.

Monogamy is out of the question if one really wants to discover one self.

But I do believe in True Love.

I do believe there is one person out there that is your soul mate.

One person that completes you.

One person you will always love and desire and that will always be no matter what.

I also believe a woman is not really a woman until she is a mother.

I know now that if you want to go fast, you must go alone.

But if you want to go further you must be accompanied.

I also know love is not sex.

And that men seem to be designed to be attracted to sexual novelty.

That monogamic relationships as they are established generally lead to loosing individuality, to repressed desires, and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner and thus create lies and conflicts.

Here some definitions to help:

Monogamy is the state of having only one husband, wife, or sexual partner at any one time. The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos "μονός", which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos "γάμος", which means marriage or union. In many cases, the word "monogamy" is used to specifically refer to marital monogamy.

Polygyny (from neo-Greek: πολύ poly "many" and γυνή gyny "I. woman" or, as in this context, "II. wife or spouse"[1]) is "a marriage form in which a man has two or more wives at the same time."[2] It is distinguished from a man who has a sexual partner outside marriage, such as a concubine, casual sexual partner, paramour, or other culturally recognized secondary partner. Polygyny is the most common form of polygamy.

Polyandry (Greek: poly- many, andros- man) refers to a form of polygamy, or other sexual union, in which a woman is married to two or more husbands at the same time. Polygyny, on the other hand, refers to polygamy in which one man is married to two or more wives.

The form of polyandry in which a woman is married to two or more brothers is known as fraternal polyandry, and it is believed by many anthropologists to be the most frequently encountered form.

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved.

Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as a crucial defining characteristic.

Polyamory differs from polygamy, which refers to multiple marriage (and often, in common usage, only to polygyny: one man with several wives.) Traditional polygamy is usually patriarchical and often claims a religious justification. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals.

Swinging: These are people who are in monogamous marriages and who are emotionally monogamous, but who engage in organized extramarital sex together. Unlike polyamorists, the stress in on the sex part and the outside sex is always done together as a couple's activity.

Open marriage: Similar to swinging, but the each spouse has outside sexual partners independently. It's possible to be both open and swingers, however.

and some quotes:

PLAYBOY: When you speak of monogamy, do you mean complete sexual fidelity to one woman?

TIMOTHY LEARY: Well, the notion of running around trying to find different mates is a very low-level concept. We are living in a world of expanding population in which there are more and more beautiful young girls coming off the assembly line each month. It's obvious that the sexual criteria of the past are going to be changed, and that what's demanded of creatures with our sensory and cellular repertoire is not just one affair after another with one young body after another, but the exploration of the incredible depths and varieties of your own identity with a single member of the opposite sex. This involves time and commitment to the voyage.

PLAYBOY: Do you mean to imply that you've had only one bed partner in the last six years?

LEARY: I've had more than one long-term relationship during this period.

But there is a certain kind of neurological and cellular fidelity that develops. I have said for many years now that in the future the grounds for divorce would not be that your wife went to bed with another man and bounced around on a mattress for an hour or two, but that

your wife had an LSD session with somebody else, because the bonds and the connections that develop are so powerful.

In 1979, anthropologist Donald Symons pointed out that:

“Human males seem to be so constituted that they resist learning not to desire variety despite impediments such as Christianity and the doctrine of sin; Judaism and the doctrine of mensch; social science and the doctrines of repressed homosexuality and psychosexual immaturity; evolutionary theories of monogamous pair-bonding; cultural and legal traditions that support and glorify monogamy.”

In 1964, Masters and Johnson noted that “Loss of coital interest engendered by monotony in a sexual relationship is probably the most constant factor in the loss of an aging male’s interest in sexual performance with his partner.”

Terence McKenna simply says:

"I think of going to the grave without having a psychedelic experience, like going to the grave without having sex. It means that you never figured out what it was all about. The mystery is in the body, and the way the body works itself into nature.

What the archaic revival means is shamanism, ecstasy, orgiastic sexuality, and the defeat of the three enemies of the people, and the three enemies of the people are monotheism, monogamy, and monotony. And if you get them on the run, you have the dominators sweating, folks. Because that means that youre getting it all reconnected, and get it all reconnected means putting aside the idea of separateness and self-definition through thing fetish. Getting it all connected means tapping into the Gaian mind. And the Gaian mind is what were calling the psychedelic experience. Its an experience of the living fact of the entelechy of the planet, and without that experience we wander in a desert of bogus ideologies, but with that experience, the compass of the self can be set. And thats the idea, that were figuring out how to reset the compass of the self, through community, through ecstatic dance, through psychedelics, intelligence-- intelligence... this is what we have to have to make the forward escape into hyperspace."

I must admit I understand, I believe it is not as it has been told.

expanding the limits.

reconnecting

resetting the compass.

I decide to place the elements.

I draw my own limits.

I play with reality.

What ever I decide to do I believe in total honesty.

In being true to myself.

So in the fight which do I choose?

I configure my own reality.

I play with the elements.

I follow my heart.

I believe in true love-

I believe that sexual attraction and encounters can always happen no matter what.

I do not believe in repressed emotions.

I believe in dealing with things as they come in total honesty.

Comunication.

Honesty.

Respect.

Love.

me.

I believe in myself.

I believe in life.

I believe in love.